The Case of the Missing Hyuuga
by Conflicting.Opposite.Minds
Summary: Non-massacre AU. Sassy Sasuke, Private Investigator. Sasuke is a cop with rebellious and self-destructive streak. Tired of his meddling family, Sasuke would like nothing more than to forget his family exists. When Hanabi Hyuuga goes missing, however, the village is up in arms. Sasuke must work with his family if he wants to save himself and them.


_The world is upside down. No, I realize after a moment. That's not true. _ _The world is just fine. _ I'm _the poor shmuck who's upside down. I'm feeling a little resentful towards the world right now. The blood is rushing to my head and I know that I'm going to pass out again soon. Where am I? How long have I been here? I look around the room. There isn't much to see. Concrete walls surround me and the only furnishings are a metal table with two chairs facing each other. Across the room is a staircase leading to what I guess is a doorway, although it is currently out of view. A bare light bulb hangs a little above me. Well, this looked promising. This scene has come straight out of some Hollywood cop movie. This person has not imagination. I take some comfort in that, as imaginative people tend to go straight to the torture. _

_The door creaks open and a person walks down the stairs, each step squeaking along the way. Most people wouldn't notice, but I could almost feel the franticness of every step. They were nearly jumping from step to step. They were worried, panicking even. That's not good. _

_The panicked steps, the cliché room, this person was inexperienced. Inexperienced people are very dangerous because their only guidelines are movies and books. And movies tend to have torture first ask questions later, which is not good because I am very against the idea of having my teeth pulled out with pillars. I was going to have to play this like a pro because no matter how hilariously bad this whole room was, I was very much out of control of this situation._

.-.

I woke up the Saturday that this all started at the way I woke up every Saturday: Hung-over as fuck and in someone else's bed.

This Saturday didn't stand out as anything special at first; I was at Ami's, a dumpy flat that she shared with her significantly less attractive but equally snobby friends Kasumi and Fuki. It was a place I often found myself. Ami and I are sort of dating so I've gotten quite use to waking up here. Ami's room is aggressively decorated in purple; her blankets are purple, her walls are purple, her curtains are purple. Holistically the room doesn't look bad as much as unrepentantly uncreative. Although the dark hue, and especially those no-sun curtains, is a blessing when you wake up half drunk at noon.

Ami wasn't in the bed, which _was _a little out of the ordinary because, usually, she sleeps in much later than me. I sat up and scanned the room to see if Ami had passed out on the floor. It wouldn't be the first time she had gotten too drunk to get into her bed. Honestly I was pretty surprised that I had made it to the bed because the instant I turned my head I was met with a ferocious, pounding, headache. My pain turned out to be for nothing as Ami was nowhere to be found. I laid back down for a minute, contemplating just how much I cared about her whereabouts. Finally, I decided that I was going to have to get out of bed if I wanted to crack the case of the missing girlfriend. I untangled myself from the sheets and walk quietly across her white carpeted floor to her closed door. I opened the door gently and instantly regretted it.

The smell of frying eggs and bacon was overpowering. Generally I'm not opposed to waking up to the smell of breakfast cooking. Especially when Ami's cooking, because despite her piss poor attitude, she could cook better than my mother. Unfortunately, however, my hangover tainted senses made the smell nauseating. I ran to the bathroom down the hall from her bedroom and dry-heaved into the toilet. I heard Ami run down the hallway, she was anything but quiet.

"You ok, Sasuke?" I heard her open up the door and I tore my eyes away from the bottom of the porcelain throne I was currently dry-heaving in. She didn't look pleased with me, which I could understand. I could distinctly remember her asking me to "take it easy" last night, although I couldn't for the life of me remember why she wanted me to stay sober.

"Sorry." was all I could get out before the smell of eggs drifted into the small room and I went on another dry-heaving frenzy.

"You deserve this." I couldn't deny that.

"Probably."

"Do you know why?"

"I'm sure I could make you a whole list of reasons."

"You promised you'd only have one drink."

"Obviously, I am a liar."

"My mom is coming over for breakfast, what am I supposed to tell her?"

Then I finally threw-up. It was marvelous. I couldn't describe the beautiful feeling of that purge if I tried my whole life. There's nothing better than the feeling of finally throwing up after dry heaving for five minutes. Now, I couldn't actually hear Ami over the sound of my own retching, but I'm going to go ahead and assume that she glared and said some obscenities under her breath as that is generally how she expresses her anger towards me. She used to give me the finger, but a snide comment from Ino made her vow to never do it again.

"I guess I'm going to have to tell my mom you have the flu."

"You do that." Was all I could get out before the next wave of vomiting hit me. She left at some point after that because when I finally got to look at something other than the bottom of the toilet she had left the room.

I will admit that I am not a very good "sort of" boyfriend. But I did feel bad for what I did to Ami. She can be bitchy and _incredibly_ annoying, but she doesn't generally ask that much from me. And she does let me sleep here so that I don't need to go back to the Uchiha compound with my relatives all giving me that "why could you be Itachi" glare. I figured that, at the very least, I could be a mediocre "sort of" boyfriend for a day and meet her mother. So I pulled my head out of the toilet after one more round of dry heaving, brushed by teeth, and walked back to her room to put on clothes that didn't look like someone had slept in them after a night of hard drinking. Since this is my place of refuge after I've let my blood alcohol level shoot over the .20 range, it was pretty hard to find anything to fit that description.

.-.

Taking my head out of that toilet was a mistake. Not because of Ami's mother, Aimi who was a wonderfully soft-spoken woman with a grateful look about her that screamed _I'm just so happy she isn't dating men with face tattoos and leather pants anymore. _(Ami claims it was just a phase.) She seemed to either not notice or not care about my obviously sickened state. It helps that I've always had a way with mothers; they absolutely love me—at least at first. There are a lot of reasons for this response, but over the years I have determined that there are three big things that mothers love about me; first of all, I'm attractive, very attractive. The halo effect has definitely saved me a lot of strife in my life, and it has always endeared me to the opposite sex no matter what their age. The second is that I hail from the prestigious Uchiha clan. A good family name works wonders in the world and not only is the Uchiha clan a noble clan, but it also pretty much runs Konaha's police force. What mother doesn't want her daughter to date up the social latter? The final reason is my brother, but there will be more about that irritatingly perfect pain in my ass in a little bit. This charm eventually where's off. Somewhere between Jell-O shots pics with me on facebook and walking into a threesome. But, I'll save my past failed relationships for later too.

The overall point is: my meeting with Aimi went really well. After that: Not so much.

I left shortly after Ami's mother did. Ami was extremely happy that I rallied and came out to make a good impression. She promised all kinds of wonderful rewards, which I will not specifically mention in order to protect your virtue. Since it was already midday I didn't see any point in trying to sneak into the compound—not that it would have done that much good at night. That's sort of the biggest problem with living with a group of detectives. They don't respect your privacy at all, which is the primary reason that everyone in the household has deadbolts on their door. I feel like I could appreciate the irony so much more if I didn't live there.

There were no hints on my walk home as to what would be waiting there. Contrary to popular belief you usually have no idea that tragedy is going to strike until the bad news in being delivered. Konoha, despite its size is friendly and tranquil; it's the sort of city where you get a wave and a smile from everyone you pass, and that day was no different. The friendly villagers and calm weather gave me no forewarning about the catastrophe that had taken place.

I did, however, know something was off the minute I stepped onto the compound. The grounds were completely empty. I will not deny that the Uchiha have a reputation for, if you will, stoicism. But we are not hermits. At any given moment there are usually children running around (usually in an uncomfortably disciplined way) while their parents keep a watchful eye to remind the little rug rats to maintain a dignified stance. Which is difficult, apathy and play time don't really mesh. Regardless, the fact of the matter is that: although the compound is usually on the quieter side, it's not devoid of life, as it was when I got there.

I listened closely and heard shouting in the distance—in the direction of my parent's house. I ran to the center of the compound and quickly assed the situation. A small crowed of people were gathered near the entrance of my parent's house, mostly my clan-mates with a few military ANBU mixed in. My parents were standing on their porch, looking at something I couldn't see from my vantage point. My mother looked genuinely concerned; my father, on the other hand, had his patented stance: arms folded over his chest, constipated face. Honestly, I don't know why he doesn't incorporate more bran into his diet. I walked closer and Hiashi Hyuuga came into site.

Hiashi looked like, for lack of a better term, shit. I was sure he hadn't slept in days. He was unshaven; his usually flawlessly effeminate Hyuuga hair was frizzy and uneven; his signature robes were wrinkled and haphazardly thrown on. He was only wearing one shoe. Some Hyuuga clansmen stood awkwardly behind him looking equal parts disgusted, worried, and confused.

The scene that followed has been permanently burned into my brain.

"I know this was your goddamn clans doing," Hiashi slurred.

"Hiashi," My mother said gently "we have no idea what you're talking about."

My father said nothing but grunted in agreement.

Hiashi, in all his Hyuuga glory, growled as a response. Like a dog. Then marched indignantly towards my parents. The ANBU, the Uchiha, and the Hyuuga all held their breath in anticipation, but no one was willing to step in to stop what looked like the beginning of an all-out battle between clan heads.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Uchiha." Hiashi sneered when his face was inches from my fathers. My father, who had practiced his apathetic face in front of the mirror for years, looked at Hiashi unflinchingly. They were at an impasse.

Some time passed with them just staring at each other like that, but, before they had actually come to blows, some ballsy ANBU got up the courage to intervene.

"Ehem," A man wearing a fox mask interrupted from behind the clan leaders. All attention was suddenly on him. He continued without missing a beat. "Hanabi Hyuuga, the heiress of the Hyuuga household, is missing." Silence. The clan glanced from person to person; no one was sure how to react. The exception being my parents of course, they knew exactly what to do:

My mother gave Hiashi a sympathetic look the second that the words left the ANBU's mouth. My father continued to look like he hadn't a fuck to give.

"We didn't take your daughter, Hiashi." My father said. Everyone relaxed a little bit, they naively believed my father would try to smooth this over with words. That hope didn't last long, because, god-bless his grandiose soul, he couldn't resist a verbal jab. "Not sure why anyone would want to take a Hyuuga ."

To anyone outside of the immediate family his voice betrayed nothing. Fugaku Uchiha seemed bored. Detached. But I could tell that he was, at least _a little_, curious.

Hiashi responded to the rude comment with as much grace as he could manage in his current state. He lunged.

"Goddamn you, Uchiha scum!" He screeched, nearly frothing at the mouth like a rabid animal. Only Hiashi was a lot less cuddly.

Fox-face apprehended him before he was able to do any damage to my father, but not without a fight, and it was an interesting one. In his rage, Hiashi seemed to completely forget anything and everything that would be useful in a fight. I can't really blame him as he probably hadn't slept at all that night, but, watching dignified and powerful Hiashi Hyuuga succumb to biting, kicking, and screaming against a well-trained ANBU agent was hilarious.

He was dragged away screaming that he would be back.

.-.

After Hiashi's unceremonious exit the Hyuga clansmen that had followed him quietly slipped away. The two remaining ANBU approached my parents and asked if they could meet with them inside. The crowd quickly dwindled, and I had tried my best to sneak away, but, my mother in her all seeing vision spotted me with ease.

"Sweetheart," I turned around to face her. She was walking towards me. The ANBU and my father were a few feet away from her, staring at us. My father found it within himself to look weary; the ANBU's face was indiscernible beneath mask, but his posture was tense.

"Why don't you come in? I don't imagine that this will take long." She said hopefully.

"I—" I wasn't sure what I should say. I knew what I wanted to say: Hell no. But, as I am employed by these people, I figured I should have a little more tact.

"I cant. I'm busy." I said as coolly as I could manage.

My mother clucked her tongue and my father gave me a dull, vaguely disappointed, look.

"Well," my mother began revving the charm up to one hundred. "We have some business to discuss with you, so you're going to have to make time." She gave me a smile, very pleased with herself.

"I'm very, _very_, busy. I really can't stay."

"It needs to be discussed in person, Sasuke." My father deadpanned from behind my mother.

You see, as I said before, my parents are my employers. I also, technically, live on their property. So while I do my best to never speak to them or generally acknowledge their existence, I do occasionally have to discuss professional matters. The problem is, is that they _never_ keep it solely on a professional level. They do their damnedest to make it personal.

I sighed, resigned to my fate. I started to, begrudgingly, walk to the house. She turned and sauntered towards the door, the ANBU and my father walked inside.

My parents and the ANBU disappeared into a backroom as I made my way to the kitchen. My mother had set out cookies, but, not having a sweet tooth I opted for the tomatoes in the basket next to them. I only had to wait seven minutes and thirty-three seconds before a door opened from the bowels of the house, and I debated leaving the house for every second of it. I heard a door open, and my mother call out to me. I battled with whether or not to call out to her—there was still a chance for me to leave. Say, through a window. I'm really not too good to leave through a window.

"Kitchen." I said with as little enthusiasm as I could summon.

I fought a smirk as I listen to her run down the hall; stop just a few feet before the door to (I assume) recompose herself, and then stroll into the kitchen with an aloof expression on her face. Or what she thought was aloof. It was pretty easy to see her elation that I was still there. She probably assumed that I would leave the house saying that I was too busy to wait any longer and ask her just drop off any instructions at my house. Which is what I would have done (and have done many times), had that little powwow in the back taken any longer. My mother knows me well.

"Sasuke." She greeted. "Your father is grabbing some things from his office. He'll be here in a few minutes." She beamed at me.

"Hn."

She scrunched her face up in annoyance at my grunt. She hates it when we (the Uchiha men) do that. She married into the wrong family.

Silence.

"So, sweetie, what have you been up to? Are you still seeing that girl?"

I didn't respond. Instead I examined the basket of tomatoes on the counter.

"You're dating Sakura now, right?"

She was baiting me. She figured I would respond to the ludicrous idea that I would ever date my childhood friend Sakura Haruno. I gave her nothing. I swore a long time ago to keep my family out of my personal life. And it absolutely killed them, especially my mother.

My older brother, the infamous Itachi, once asked me why. Why did I freeze them out? What did they do that was so bad that I didn't want to have anything to do with my family? I said I could ask him the same question. Itachi didn't live on the compound anymore; he didn't work for the police force like everyone else in this goddamned family. He pointed out that there was a difference between finding your own path and cutting your family off from you. I grunted at him and changed the subject. Itachi, never one to pry (which is the main reason he left the police force) let it go.

Honestly, there is no one event that made me hate them. It was just a lot of little things that started to add up, and some bigger things that weighted me down so much, so much that I couldn't breathe anymore.

Living with a bunch of detectives is really fucking awful. There are no secrets. Not even trivial ones. Take for example my mother's small talk. It's pointless. She _knows_ who I'm dating. She _knows _what I've been up to, this quasi-stalking has been going on since my youth. They pride themselves on it the fact they know everything about everybody. We have no respect for each other's privacy.

Being an Uchiha is just one expectation after another. You have to be perfectly stoic and perfectly talented. It's like this noose around your neck. No matter how hard you try you'll always be hung by what they want from you; your family, your peers, your teacher, especially when you're compared to your brother who may as well be God himself.

So I eventually started to just quit. It didn't happen all at once, but little by little I shut them out, and by the time they realized that I was just _gone, _it was too late to bring me back.

Melodramatic? Maybe. Effective? Yep.

Besides, it wouldn't be fair if both their sons were the paradigm of good obedient children. One perfect son and one fuck-up is much more balanced.

My father came in after a couple more minutes of my mother's thinly veiled nonchalant small talk. He was carrying a large stack of manila folders. He casually tossed them down in front of me.

"We were going to put you on the Akimichi case, but after speaking with the ANBU your mother and I decided that it would be better to put you on Hanabi Hyuuga's case." My father said indifferently.

"These are our files on the Hyuuga clan—"

"You think it was an inside job?" I interrupted.

"I think it usually is. You'll need to interview everyone in the Hyuuga clan," He paused, casting an indiscernible glance at my mother. "This is a very important case Sasuke, and potentially very dangerous. Anyone who was able to kidnap a Hyuuga is a very formidable opponent. You need to take it seriously."

"Tch. I'm the best detective you have, and I've never let my personal life interfere with my professional life, you _both _know that." I said particularly annoyed at the lecture I didn't think I needed.

My father tensed up, but my mother stepped in before he had a chance to respond.

"Sasuke, sweetie, why don't you stay for dinner? It's only a few hours away, you can help me cook." She said plastering a peace making smile on her face.

I didn't have to consider it for longer than a second.

"I already have plans."

My mother looked dejected while my father made a face that looked almost displeased with my response; I figured it wasn't, because has never displayed any emotions other vague disapproval and mild annoyance. (His default is apathy, but, as that is the absence of emotion, I cannot include it on the list of my father's known emotional spectrum.) I turned to leave when I heard my father call out to me.

"Yeah?" I ask skeptically. My father sounded…off. I couldn't quite place the tone of his voice. It was, sort of, desperate sounding.

"Just," He paused. "Just start as soon as possible, ok, Sasuke?"

"Hn." I allowed. Then I finally left.


End file.
